My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
