I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
