Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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