Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
