So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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