Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
