you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
