is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
