All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
