Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
