so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
