i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
