She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
