you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
