Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i came on her dog
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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