There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
