I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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