Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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