She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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