Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
