My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My life is pants optional.
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