Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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