I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
