and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
