every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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