God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize