Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
