My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
