I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
