Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
