Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just invented taco cereal.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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