don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
