you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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