It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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