did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the condom got lost in my hair
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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