Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
