I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
