whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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