i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
