Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
