u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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