just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
40s are totally the cure
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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