It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
