i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
