Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
