i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
How naked do you want me to be?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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