I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Farmville is her only friend.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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