I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize