I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
