I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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