jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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