I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
