ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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