he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
