dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
