my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
