Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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