you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
