Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
