so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
