i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
