If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
