Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The Olympian is in my bed
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