we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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