20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Your cock deserves a montage
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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