Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
