You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
