i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
