You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The air was thick with penises
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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