i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
