your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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