Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
