"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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