last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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