so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
